Life's Rich Pageant

Life is such an incredible journey. Everything we have experienced in the past leads us to where we are at the present moment, and these moments will, in turn, shape our future. Things that don't seem to be relevant at the time can help us down the road in ways we would never have dreamed. There's always something 'round the bend, just beyond our line of vision. At times we may get a glimpse of it and at other times it may come into full view, so clearly we will wonder how we had never seen it before.

Things seem to be coming together in an interesting way. Single events fit together like puzzle pieces and feel right. Past experiences that seemed unremarkable have taught me things that prove useful in current situations. I feel blissful and at peace. Amen.

Deep Peace

This is what I see when I'm at my kitchen sink. We bought this lovely hanging Buddha in Portland and were going to hang it on the fence, but this spot seemed to be calling out for it.

Deep Peace

Deep peace of the running wave to you

Deep peace of the flowing air to you

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you

Deep peace of the shining stars to you

Deep peace of the gentle night to you

Moon and stars pour their healing light on you,

Deep peace to you.

Priorities

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to make a change and get yourself together again. It may be a life event, a situation, or simply the time of year that will illicit the change. Life consists of many paths and fortunately we are never stuck on one; it's always possible to alter our course or reverse direction depending upon our need.

Putting things in writing always helps me. Sometimes it's a list, a memo or just a bunch of free-floating ideas. I thought it might help keep me focused to put my priorities into writing, just to keep me reminded of the things that are important to me, the things I want to focus on right now.

Family

Cultivating and nurturing existing friendships: the good, bad and ugly

Taking care of myself (physically, emotionally) and not putting the needs of others ahead of my own, unless it's emergent

Prioritizing what is truly important, what can wait and what isn't worth worrying about.

Taking care of my responsibilities (pets, houseplants)

Maintaining a home that I feel comfortable in and that welcomes those I care about

Living within my values

In order to maintain these priorities I will engage in:

meditation daily

yoga

exercise

neb/vest treatments twice a day

volunteer once a week

continue to do typing for Yoshi

set aside time to maintain the house and yard

schedule time with friends, but allow spontaneity

enjoying every moment.

Practice Makes Imperfect

There's a reason meditation and living mindfully are referred to as a practice - it is a continuous process; there's really nothing to be achieved, no point at which you are done. Sometimes it will be easier than others and the goal is just to keep at it.

I've been getting a lot of practice with my practice this week in the context of a situation that is beyond my control - something that is typically quite difficult for me. I could allow the issue to dominate my thoughts, but what would that do? I can't make things happen any faster than they are meant to evolve; the key is to be able to accept the things as they occur and take them as they come. My mind tends to leap forward, playing out different scenarios that have yet to happen- hoping to prepare itself against any possibility, planning my reaction in advance as a way to keep control over the situation. Yet, most often, dwelling on events in anticipation rarely does any good. I have no way to predict the future and it only causes me to lose my focus on what is before me at the moment. The present is where my attention belongs because it's the only thing that is. Everything else is just thoughts to keep my mind busy and distracted.

There are so many variables in life over which we have no control. Yes, we have control over ourselves and our reactions, but anything else is really a delusion. Oftentimes the more control we try to have over situations and people the less we actually have. I've found that letting go and not trying to control things, although scary, is a good way for me to decrease my stress level in the long run. I'm still practicing!

Now and Zen

I've been trying for some time now to stay present, in the moment and aware, but as I'm only human I am thinking of about 10 different things at once more often than not. No wonder we so frequently feel overwhelmed! When my mind starts to race or I find myself trying to do to much and as a consequence am overwhelmed I stop and take a few deep breaths. One thing at a time, prioritize. Then I can concentrate on what I'm doing. I find it amazing that when I do that, even the most mundane tasks becomes a bit more interesting.

Our culture is so enmeshed in the more, more, more philosophy: work more so you can buy more; the more you have the more you want; get more done, be more productive. Even when we're aware of this unhealthy cycle it is very difficult to break out of it because this how our society operates. We're always thinking of the next thing we need to do and not concentrating on our present moment.

While I was a patient at MGH I had several interesting conversations with one of the RTs who was taking care of me. He was a Buddhist and told me this great little story about staying in the moment: Once there was a man, who, while walking one day came upon a hungry tiger. The tiger started to chase him. He ran, only to find himself up against the edge of a high cliff. What to do? He faced a certain death if he stayed, the tiger would eat him. He decided to jump. As luck would have it as he went over the cliff, about 5 feet down there was a plant growing out of the side of the cliff. He grabbed the branches and hung on for dear life. Growing on the plant he noticed a single red, juicy, sweet strawberry. He picked the fruit, ate it and enjoyed it. The end.

Wait a moment! That's the end? What happened to the man? What about the tiger? Did he survive the fall?

It doesn't matter how the story ends, that's not the point. The point is that he ate the strawberry and enjoyed it. Moral: enjoy what you are doing at the moment, no matter the circumstances. Had the man been thinking about the tiger chasing him, or the fact that he was hanging by a small branch over a large drop he probably wouldn't have even noticed the strawberry. But he was present to his situation, and while he was eating the strawberry, he was fully aware of how it smelled, the color and the taste. He didn't waste what were probably his last few moments alive worrying about his fate and what was to become of him.

I'm sure I'm not expressing the thoughts as eloquently as the Zen RT, but hopefully my explanation makes sense. Pay attention to what you are doing. The end.

Gratitude

I'm going to try to start and end each day thinking about three positive things. In the morning I'll start with things I'm looking forward to that day. They could be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee outside, listening to the birds, or maybe some retail therapy or getting together with a friend. Each day has hundreds of moments that we could be appreciating, but are often too busy. The yoga class I'm taking on Tuesdays with Mary has a wonderful teacher. She emphasizes mindfulness, being in the moment and appreciating the present. I'm working towards being more conscious of those things.

At the end of the day I'd like to reflect on three things that I'm thankful for. We really are so blessed, though that sounds trite and corny, but compared to so many other cultures and countries, we have SO much. I think much of the time we are on auto pilot, too busy to think about what we have and notice what is around us. Work consumes us, we are always rushing from one task to the next, trying to fit everything in... mindfulness is about slowing down, enjoying the process and living in the moment.

Today I had a luxurious haircut with my stylist, whom I adore. He makes me laugh but is also quite serious at times and we can discuss just about anything under the sun. He has a lot of self-awareness. I also had a wonderful visit with an old friend, whom I've known for 20+ years. We had coffee and talked about our families, mutual friends and how nice it is to have such a long history together. It was great to see him and we made a vow to get together for dinner with our spouses soon. In about a half an hour a friend is coming by with a peony that her mom has divided... apparently, its been in the family for a long time and is quite a special one. I'm honored not only to have her friendship, but now to have a reminder of her in my garden! I can think of many more things that I'm thankful for today, but those were the first to come to mind. How lucky to have so many things to be grateful for!