Monday, December 30, 2013

Twenty Fourteen

Resolution is such a definitive word: to resolve oneself or to resolve to do something. Anyone who has made a New Year's resolution knows that it is also a word that gets carried out for a few days or perhaps several weeks at best. Rather than making resolutions, I prefer to have New Years reflections. No, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it, but it sets me up for much less failure.

Twenty fourteen, how do I want to spend thee? Upon reflection, I'm going to focus on several areas and set some definitive goals. Here goes.

Fitness- not really something new for me since I exercise regularly, anyway. For 2014 I'm going to switch it up a bit and pay special attention to upper body strengthening and stretching. Twice a week with the weights and at least 3 times a week with yoga, including the 9 month teacher training that starts in a few weeks.

Finishing- I have a number of uncompleted projects in my closet. Some are mine, some are my mother-in-law's. I will consider 2014 a year of finishing: 2 quilts, a hand appliqué square, an antique silk quilt repair and my MIL's cross stitch. No new fabric will be purchased in 2014. Nobody said this wasn't going to hurt.

First- for the sake of alliteration, I wanted to come up with another F word. I'm going to be mindful to put myself first this year, set limits to ensure I have time for treatments and be honest when I'm unable to do something because of health limitations. No more vague excuses: if I don't have the energy then that's what I'll say.

Bring it, 2014. I'm looking forward to the start of a new year and anticipate that it will be a full and rich one, whatever life sends my way.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Hey Rusty

At the risk of stating the obvious, I'll say it's been a long time; nearly 9 months.  Much has happened, yet nothing has changed, which sounds funny but is true.

A CF friend that I've known for probably 10 years and I have reconnected and talked about being in closer touch, something that makes me happy. Over the past year, I've found myself missing the close online connections we had back in the mid- to late-2000s.  There was a group of adults who frequented a CF forum and became friendly. We chatted, answered each other's questions, researched, laughed, cried and started blogs together.  Sadly, all but a few of us have died and those that remain don't have the same chemistry or meaning for me.  It is impossible to recreate something special like that, I know this in my heart, but it doesn't stop me from missing the group and the camaraderie we shared.  I am happy to have L, who is a link to this group and with whom I have a lot in common other than CF.

I do have a local close CF friend that I'm in close touch with by text and I'm so thankful for her. We're in touch several times a week and often daily if one of us has an issue going on. It's wonderful to be able to share anecdotes from clinic or a bit of gossip from an inpatient stay; having someone local who is the same age is a huge blessing and the support is beyond anything a non-cystic can ever provide.

My bestie moved back to MA in September after 11 years away and amazingly lives within walking distance of our house.  Although difficult life circumstances prompted the change, she seems to be happy to be back in New England. It's such a treat to be able to walk to each other's houses, and I get to have my canine fix with her dog, Oscar.  Having her close by has been a wonderful addition to my life.  It's incredible that we've been friends for ~27 years, more than half my life.

All this is apropos of nothing. I'm very much out of the writing habit and feeling a bit rusty; in fact, as I reread this I'm cringing.  I am going to let it stand and hope that with time I'll get my mojo back. No promises!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Impermanence Revisited

Theory is wonderful.

Nearly everyone is able to accept an idea, concept, situation or construct in theoretical terms. Pontification is easy when speaking of something in the abstract.  We may tell ourselves we've accepted something and then: Surprise!  Life gets the last laugh on us and throws us a real  situation, something our egos have told us we are "ok" with -- and suddenly we're not as ok with it.  In fact, we can be downright thrown for a loop by it.

When it's summer and perennial flowers are everywhere, of course it's easy to say "oh yes, I understand they'll only be here for a short time. I'm ok with that and look forward to seeing them next year". What if they never, ever came back? Hm.. that's a completely different story.

I think it's a part of human nature to be resistant to change, particularly if it's not something we've initiated ourselves, or can't control.

Maybe the lesson here is not so much to attempt to master any of the tough theoretical concepts but to realize that we shouldn't be lulled into a false sense of thinking that we have. There are always issues that are going to cause us discomfort; the best we can do is to sit with them and the sensation of discomfort each time they come up and be grateful for the humbling reminder that we are only human.