Life's Rich Pageant

Life is such an incredible journey. Everything we have experienced in the past leads us to where we are at the present moment, and these moments will, in turn, shape our future. Things that don't seem to be relevant at the time can help us down the road in ways we would never have dreamed. There's always something 'round the bend, just beyond our line of vision. At times we may get a glimpse of it and at other times it may come into full view, so clearly we will wonder how we had never seen it before.

Things seem to be coming together in an interesting way. Single events fit together like puzzle pieces and feel right. Past experiences that seemed unremarkable have taught me things that prove useful in current situations. I feel blissful and at peace. Amen.

Appreciating Impermanence

 Each one of the flowers pictured above is a perennial, meaning that it will return and re-bloom each year, for a few days to perhaps a week. Annuals, on the other hand, bloom for an entire summer, although they only last that one season.  Each has its benefits: the annuals provide reliable, long-lasting color whereas perennials return yearly, but only for a fleeting time.  

There are a few annuals in my garden, some nasturtiums and marigolds in the veggie garden and several pots with lobelia, alyssum and impatiens.  Annuals are nice, but my passion has always been with perennials. Such a stunning assortment of forms and colors! The trick, one I've yet to master, is to have a mixture of perennials that will provide constant bloom throughout the season.  Every year I learn more about each plant: where it will be happy, what other plants complement it and when it blooms. Eventually, I hope to have color everywhere in the gardens from spring to fall, using only perennials.

When each flower appears with its colorful beauty it would be easy to feel disappointment at the short time we are able to enjoy it, or frustration at the fact that it doesn't last longer.  Over the years I've learned that it's important to appreciate them while they are blossoming, but realize that they'll never last as long as I'd like. Nothing does, whether it be something good or something bad, a lesson that is important to keep in mind.

Patience Revisited

A busy medical week in that I had an exercise evaluation at MGH on Tuesday to assess how I'm doing after the surgery and see what modifications I can make to my exercise regimen.  The 6-minute walk test revealed that I'm actually doing better than I had thought, especially just 45 days after surgery. I walked a total of 605m in 6 minutes which put my pace at 3.7 mph. (Why the distance is measured in meters and the pace in mph rather than km, I'll never know) The bad news was that my O2 saturation went down to 86 on 3L of oxygen during the test, but still, no different than I had been 2 years ago, which was good.

The PT was quite pleased with how I'm doing, all things considered. It was suggested that I continue with the treadmill, start up at yoga again (yay!!!) and give it more time before re-incorporating strength training. My frustration had been that I was capable of doing both treadmill and weights, but then I'd be wiped out for days on end afterwards. Turns out I was rushing things a bit too much and need to give it several more weeks. I was also instructed to spot check my O2 sat more frequently when out and about (not just on the treadmill) to ensure my sats don't drop below 90, which will worsen the pulmonary hypertension. That's something I'd rather avoid.

Given the go ahead to return to yoga, I started back yesterday and was happy it didn't feel as difficult as I had anticipated. I've lost a fair amount of flexibility and strength, but know after a few weeks it will be much better. Patience! That has been my biggest challenge these past few months and something I need to work on developing much more of.

So, the weights will need to wait, but hopefully by summer I'll be  back into them and regain my strength. I'm so accustomed to recovering from a medical illness that this surgical experience has been quite a surprise in that it's so much slower-paced. Just another life lesson that things can't be rushed, they need to happen in their own time and that our minds are not the masters of our bodies.

Old Dogs, New Tricks

You're never too old to learn something new, but learning and acceptance go hand in hand. I recently heard the term "intersex" and couldn't help but ask: what does that mean? If I had thought about it for a moment I probably would have figured it out for myself but the answer came before I had time to dissect the word. It's a term used for people who are neither male or female, and don't identify themselves with a label of either. A more familiar term would be hermaphrodite, though this is considered to be somewhat derogatory by the intersex community.

Several years back I read a fascinating book - As Nature Made Him- which was a nonfiction account of a twin who was severely injured during a routine circumcision back into the 1960s. Due to the nature of the injury his doctors felt it would be best to "reassign" him as a female, since he would never have normal male genitalia. He was not told of the accident and raised as a girl, despite his having strong urges to be a rough-and-tumble boy. Sadly, he ended up committing suicide as an adult due to the severe gender confusion he suffered as a result of his reassignment.

Learning about intersex people reminded me of this story and how our genders are not necessarily what our bodies dictate. People have an innate sense of gender: male or female, that doesn't necessarily coincide with what their bodies are. Frequently, intersex babies are assigned a gender, on the basis of a decision by their doctor. I'm no mathematician, but I'd guess there is a 50/5o chance of getting it right (or wrong).

There is a tendency in any society to shun a minority, or something that is different, and there is certainly plenty of opportunity for misunderstanding in this case. Our UU church promotes acceptance of all people: GLBT -and- I (intersex) should be added to this list. It is good for me to be reminded that it's never wrong to ask respectful questions and learn something new - everyone wants to be acknowledged and accepted for who they are regardless of race, sex, religion or gender identity. I'm grateful to those in the intersex community who are willing to explain their situation honestly and openly in order to provide better understanding of their situation.