Monday, January 12, 2009

Patience, Patient

I never considered myself to be a very patient person, and that is certainly true when it comes to my health. Yet, with some things I can be very patient, such as gardening and quilting. Both require the ability to wait and let things evolve at their own pace. You can't rush a seedling or a plant into growing, it will do so at as it is meant to- no faster and now slower. It's something that can't be controlled. Yes, one can provide the best possible environment in terms of soil, water and sun exposure, but after that nature has to do its thing.

Similarly, quilting requires one to do things in small steps, and you really can't skip around and complete things out of order. Depending upon the pattern it can take months to complete a single quilt top. If I didn't enjoy the process I'd never have the patience to complete one quilt, let alone the dozens that I have made. Maybe that's the key, enjoying the process and not getting tied up in the outcome?

For some reason, I find myself quite impatient with the soap making process; I can't help but peek at the soap several times in the first few hours after I've poured it into the mold. I know nothing has changed, yet for some reason I feel compelled to keep checking. There have been more times than I care to think about that I've rushed to remove some soap from a mold only to have it not pop out easily. If only I'd waited another few hours or maybe a couple days it would have been perfect. Maybe it's because I'm still new at this and overly enthusiastic? I enjoy the active part of soap making, the melting of oils, measuring lye, mixing and pouring into a mold, but then the waiting starts and I need to just let the time go by. That must be it, I'm not good at waiting, I'd rather be doing something......Clearly, I need to work on my patience in this regard.

Before I checked in to the hospital I was very discouraged and dreading the admission. Why can't I just feel better now? Since I checked in last night I've felt much calmer and at peace with the process, sometimes the anticipation is the worst. I will never, no matter how many times I go through this, enjoy the process of getting better, the IV drugs and medical procedures, but I do very much enjoy the outcome. It's a necessary evil that needs to be endured and made the best of in order for me to be as healthy as possible. And it's worth it.

Maybe I am a more patient person than I give myself credit for.

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